So over on the Black Nerd Comedy Channel on YouTube, Andre
Meadows asked his viewers what Super-Hero they would like to see get their own
movie (You can watch his video here:
Be sure to give him a thumbs up and subscribe to his
channel. He’s a pretty funny guy. Tell him Nerd Is the New Cool sent you).
So in honor of Black Nerd, here is my list of 10 Super-Heroes (and Teams) that deserve their own feature length film... but aren't going to get one...
10. Chase (DC Comics) – Chase is kinda DC comics Nick Fury – only young, hot, blonde, female, and sporting a full set of eyes. Cameron Chase is a DEO (that’s Department of Extranormal Operations for the Newbies) Agent operating primarily in New York, though several of her adventures are in Gotham City and Metropolis (homes of Batman and Superman). Chase is the daughter of murdered Super-Hero Acro-Bat (think the Adam West incarnation of Batman if Eli Roth wrote the final two parter), a former teammate of the Martian Manhunter (then using the name Bronze Wraith). Her title only lasted about 10 issues, not leaving a lot of source material, but giving a fairly in-depth mythology that could be mined.
Chase Fan Casting: Jennifer Morrison as Chase, Hugo Weaving
as Dr. Trap
9. Eclipso (DC Comics) – ok, I know what
you’re going to say. Eclipso isn’t a
hero, he’s a villain and thus not even eligible by my own title to be given
this spot. My heartfelt and thoroughly thought
out response to this honest and constructive criticism on your part: shut up, it’s my fraking list. But in all seriousness, Eclipso both in his
early lame villain self and as his more resent awesome godlike villainious glory,
is a pretty cool villain and one of the better ones to ever headline their own
title (he had both a feature in House of
Secrets and a self titled book, not to mention helming a couple of
miniseries). He’s cool, he’s inexcusably
evil, he’s kinda funny at times, and he’s down right demented at others. Plus, he’s got a pretty decent supporting
cast: Dr. Bruce Gordon, who had a long time Jekyll-and-Hyde connection to
Eclipso; Gordon’s fiancé Mona; the Atom’s ex-wife Jean Loring, gone insane and
serving as Eclipso’s host; heroes Creeper, Starman, and Lar Gand (Mon-El) all
have significant dealings with him. He could
easily be featured as a villain in someone else’s movie, say Green Lantern or
even Superman, but to be true to this classic character, he needs to be taken
back to his roots and given the reins of his own project.
Eclipso Fan Casting: Andy Serkis or Michael Emerson would
make interesting choices for the Bruce Gordon Eclipso. Claudia Black as the Jean Loring incarnation
8. Valiant Heroes (Valiant Comics – some now
at Dark Horse) – I’m not sure if I’m calling this a series of individual movies
– of which I think X-O, Shadowman, and Rai are all especially good choices for, with Turok and Bloodshot being
secondary contenders – or an ensemble
film – my first choices there would be the Malev War or the initial
Spider-Alien invasion with Unity
being a distant third for an initial outing.
More than anything else on this list, I can’t ever have this
film/series. Magnus, Solar, and Turok
aren’t Valiant anymore, the others are drastically different in the “Summer of
Valiant” universe. Aww…but if only…
Valiant Heroes Fan Casting: Chris Hemsworth as X-O (too
obvious?), George Takei or Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as Harada
7. Werewolf by Night (Marvel Comics) – ok,
Disney, listen up and listen close…non-Super-Hero comics do exist and are cool and
should be mined for movie ideas. Marvel’s
titular lycanthrope is just one of several great Marvel Monster titles ripe for
the big screen adaptation picking. The
story of Jack Russell – initially told in Marvel
Spotlight 2-4, Werewolf by Night
1-43, and five Giant-Sized issues – if full of recognizable Marvel characters
including Topez, Moon Knight, Dracula, and Tigra all of whom could be
introduced and spun off into their own movies… ok maybe not Topez, but you get
my meaning.
Werewolf by Night Fan Casting: Christian Kane (though I also
thought about Taylor Kitsch) as Jack/Werewolf, Amy Aker as Lissa Russell, Timothy
Dalton as Dracula
6. Astro City (currently at DC/Vertigo) – another
almost impossible to make film. A good
Astro City film would be on par with Watchmen
and The Avengers, but possibly with a
bigger cast and more special effects. Individual
films could focus on Samaritan and/or Honor Guard, The Confessor (the “Confession”
alien invasion storyline would be a great second or third film), Steeljack’s “Tarnished
Angel” storyline, or any of the sundry other unique and familiar characters in
the AC universe.
Astro City Fan Casting: Neal McDonough as The Confessor, Dean
Cain as Samaritan, Harry Dean Stanton as Steeljack, Eli Wallach as Mr. Bridwell
5. X (Dark Horse Comics) – X my personal
favorite Dark Horse hero is sorta a cross between Batman and Punisher. In recent years, his (dare I say) frienemy
Ghost has greatly overshadowed him as the ultimate representative of the Comics Greatest World line of comics
from Dark Horse – and I would gladly accept a Ghost film as well or instead of an X one – but X remains my favorite.
Of all the ultra violent Batman clones in comics, X has the most grit
and the most flair. Of all the Punisher
clones, X is the only, in my humble opinion, to outshine the original. I would love to see a scuffle between a big
screen X and the Pit Bulls – his still violent but much more “good guys”
vigilante antagonists – as well as appearances by Monster (with well done
Hulk-like CGI or equally good practical Thing-like prosthetics/makeup) and Ghost. But the main thrust of the film would have to
be the gangster Carmine Tango, hitman Gamble, and my favorite X-villain
Gretchen the corrupt mayor’s secretary – what can I say, I like bad girls. Also, success with this film could open up
more CGW films: Vortex, Barb Wire (they did? When? Pam Anderson?
I don’t recall that…and you say it was a Casablanca
rip off? Doesn’t sound like Barb Wire at all…), Titan, Golden City/Catalyst, spin offs for Ghost or Pit Bulls, even a full adaptation of the original Comics Great World mini.
X Fan Casting: Karl Urban as X, Eliza Dushku as Ghost
4 Micronauts (Marvel Comics) – ok, this
movie would be a logistics nightmare, mostly because Marvel doesn’t have license
for the Micronauts anymore…some of the
characters, but not the team or the main villain… So that’s a big strike
against it. But a big screen adaptation
of these little guys would be monumentally big…err… small, I mean. An adaptation could be made of the Image (or
Devil’s Due or Kinetic Underground) title or of the franchise without using any
comic company as source material, but Marvel is the classic incarnation and
everyone who would flock to this is fans of the Marvel version…add in the
Marvel Cinematic Universe non-comic fans and a good cast and this could be a
blockbuster. Done right it could be a
holiday season family film money maker or a summer action flick, either way.
Micronauts Fan Casting: Patrick Warburton as Rann, Adrien
Brody as Bug, Colin Salmon as Acroyear
3. Metal Men (DC Comics) – there are a
number of ways that this could be played out.
As a straight action/super-hero movie, as a sci-fi movie, or as a
comedy. It’s very rare that a serious
comic works as a comedy on film, but this one might be able to pull it
off. However, I think the best way to go
would be as a serious Sci-fi movie. The
Metal Men lend themselves to it so well. They are after all robots, they fight
Tohoesque giant monsters, and they are led by a mad scientist. Don’t even emphasize the comic book source
material in the trailers, just treat it like a sci-fi film. You’re not listening are you Warner
Bros.? You’re going to either not do it
or do what you did with Jonah Hex and
make it a super-hero movie aren’t you. I
give up…
Metal Men Fan Cast: Pierce Brosnan as Doc Magnus, Charisma
Carpenter as Platinum
2. Man-Thing (Marvel Comics) – No, they
haven’t! But the reason you think they
have is the reason they never will.
There was a few years ago a God awful movie called Man-Thing, a terrible horror movie with nothing to do with this
comic yet somehow baring its name and the worst application of “based on”
ever. The real Man-Thing is an
anti-heroic monster dripping with pathos.
With the right script, a decent FX budget, and the backing of the Marvel
Cinematic Universe label, a good film adaptation could be achieved.
Man-Thing Fan Cast: Josh Brolin as Ted Sallis, Amber Benson
as Jennifer Kale, and Stephanie Szostak reprising her role as Ellen Brandt from
Iron Man 3
1. Adam Strange (DC Comics) – the ultimate
comic book, sci-fi hero. He’s been an
honorary member of the Justice League and a member of the Forgotten
Heroes. In the Silver Age, he was an
A-lister, then he dropped down to the C-list, but since the 52 mini-series, he has had a strong showing
as a B-lister. Kinda like a certain
Metal Guy over at Marvel, you know, the one who is the central driving force in
the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Kinda
what DC needs to start its own Cinematic Universe, a strong B-list character
who can become a box office A-lister. DiCaprio
has had this project in Development Hell since at least ’09.
Adam Strange Fan Cast: since DC seems insistent on not
casting him as Green Lantern, how about having Nathan Fillon don a red space
suit instead as Adam Strange
So there you have it, my Top Ten Comic Book movies we ain’t
never gonna see, but should.
What comic books (whether Super-Hero or elsewise) would you
like to see make it to the big screen?
Let me know in the comments or on twitter @NerdIsNewCool
Oh, and by the way #AllisonScag4Cassie (not on the list cause it's still gonna happen!)
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