Top Ten Non-Japanese Kaiju

OK, let’s start by correcting the nomenclature of the title, shall we?  It should actually say “Top Ten Non-Japanese Daikaiju.” Kaiju is the Japanese term for monster (it actually translates as “strange beast”); Daikaiju, meaning “giant Kaiju” is the word for “giant monster,” which will be the subject of this list. American vernacular usually shortens it to "Kaiju," thus the incorrect title above.  

Now, I expect some retaliatory style attacks to me and this list because properly Kaiju films are only Japanese films, and one could argue that this is merely a list of giant monster films.  And one would be right.  This is a list of giant monster films.  And Daikaiju means giant monster, so shut it. 

Also, I have intentionally left off a number of real creatures that could have made this list - notably Dinosaurs and sharks.  Thus, the dinos from Jurassic Park and Bruce from Jaws (who is only arguably “giant”) are unfortunately absent from the list, as is the only literary character I considered the megalodon from the Meg series of novels. 

10. Konga and Gorgo (from the 1961 British films of the same names)

 

Konga and Gorgo are, respectively, knockoffs of King Kong and Godzilla.  They appear in two unrelated films and they were hard to put on this list, but impossible to leave off.  I don’t even know how to begin talking about these films.  They are blatant rip-offs, but also, kinda not.  Both are pretty stupid films and I don’t particularly like either one.  But they typify the King Kong and Godzilla knockoff genre.  There have been literally tens of Kong and Godzilla rip-offs – maybe more – but somehow these stand out as the definitive ones.  Also, Alfred from the Michael Keaton Batman is in Konga, so it’s got that. 

 9.  The Blob (from the 1958 film, its 1972 sequel Beware! The Blob!, a 1988 remake, and a pretty catchy song). 

The Blob is another one that barely made this list.  On the one hand it’s a giant monster movie, but on the other it isn’t.  As a film – a horror film, a sci-fi film, a cult film, a 50s film, a teen film – it would have ranked higher than most of the others on this list.  But as a giant monster, I just couldn’t let it beat out the others.  The blob isn’t a giant insect, or monkey, or lizard, or worm.  It’s a, well a blob.  It is attack of the killer jell-o – and grape jell-o at that.  But it’s still an awesome monster.  Be it the 1958 Steve McQueen star making original, the campy Larry Hagman directed sequel, or the almost-as-good-as-the-original-(how-often-does-that-happen?)-remake staring Shawnee Smith (later of Saw fame), the blob is at once hilariously stupid and oddly terrifying – way to ruin theaters for me, movie!

Also, what monster has a cooler theme song?  Freddy, Jason, Michael, Jaws, ya’ll could take lessons from Jell-o-Boy… “he creeps, he leaps, he slides, he glides…”

8. The Graboids (from the Tremors franchise – 1990, 1996, 2001, 2003-2003, 2004)

OK, I may just not be able to go to my parents’ house every again.  My dad sees that Tremors was only #8 and he’ll disown me.  Lizard, if you’re reading this, congratulations, you get to inherit everything now.  Don’t get me wrong, the Tremors movies are hilariously stupid.  When I first saw the original, I didn’t like it, but it (and they) grew on me.  But I don’t love them.  I really, really like them and we can still be friends, but I just don’t love them. 

But as camp, as the backhanded love letter they are to the Atomic Age science fiction/horror movies they mock and belittle and idolize, they are awesome. Not Slither awesome, but awesome.  

7. The Spider (from the 1958 film Earth vs. the Spider)

Maybe my favorite AIP film of all time, The Spider is the quid essential 1950s teenage rock and roll sci-fi/horror movie.  The effects are cheese, the plot is fast and loose, the music is corny and does nothing to advance the plot.  It’s the perfect popcorn and root beer on a Saturday afternoon film from a studio that specialized in popcorn/Saturday afternoon films.

Side note: I also considered Universal's earlier film, Tarantula, but I just like this one so much better and I couldn't justify to myself putting two giant spider's on the list.  And besides Universal did so much better with...

6. The Deadly Mantis (from the 1957 film of the same name)

I love this film.  It came from Universal about a decade after Universal stopped being THE name in horror - and, except for the Black Lagoon films, was their best in the 50s.  A ridiculous premise about a ginormous prehistoric insect frozen in the Arctic that returns to eat people.  That really was all you needed in the 50s to make a movie. Go figure.  

5. The Killer Tomatoes (from the Killer Tomato franchisee – 1978, 1988, 1990, 1990-1991, 1991)

Ok, I admit it, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes may in fact be the dumbest movie ever made.  I have no defense for the movie, the franchisee – which only gets worse as it goes –, the cartoon – which I watched religiously as a child –, or myself for including it on the list.  It’s funny.  It’s stupid – intentionally so.  It’s ridiculous.  It’s cheesy.  But so is Adam West’s Batman.  So is Tremors.  The Killer Tomatoes are the most unrealistic monsters on this list - maybe the most unrealistic monsters ever.  They aren’t scary.  They aren’t poignant.  They aren’t clever or really even that original.  They just are.  And somehow they are awesome and great.  

4. The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (from the 1953 film of the same name)

Based on a Ray Bradbury short story (which he quickly renamed “The Fog Horn” to distance from this loose adaptation), The Beast would later be the basis for the Japanese film Gojira, the Godfather of all Kaiju films.  The Beast has the exact same story as The Deadly Mantis except it’s about a giant lizard instead of a giant insect.  And I know what you’re going to say.  It’s a dinosaur movie – and you’re right, but at the same time, you are most definitely right.  But it is a fictional, made up species of dinosaur and this is my list, so shut up.  And if you think this was breaking any rules then wait 'til you get to…

3. The plethora of “Marvel Monsters” (from the Atomic Age Marvel Comics)

I can hear you know: “Nerd! The Marvel Monsters comics aren’t even movies, they’re comics!” To which I reply “duh.” At what point about or below, did I say this was a list of movie monsters?  So, the Marvel Monsters.  Fin Fang Foom.  Gigantis. Gorgilla. It, the Living Colossus.  And so many more populating the pages of Strange Tales, Tales to Astonish, Tales of Suspense, Journey into Mystery, and more.  I love them all.  Many – but not all – were the creations of Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and Steve Ditko – those guys who created many of the Marvel Super-Heroes a couple years later.  It’s hard to think of a comic industry without super-heroes but the Marvel Monsters ruled in the decade before the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, Avengers, and X-Men hit the scene.  

2.  The Giant Ants (from the 1954 film Them!)

 Them may be the first big bugs in film history.  If they aren’t, they are still definitely the greatest.  The special effects aren’t very good in the post-Lord of the Rings era er...post-Jurassic Park era I mean, post-Star Wars era and the sound effects were never any good.  But Them! is still a compelling and scary movie.  Admirably, it’s more fun than frightening but it still holds its own if you let yourself get sucked into it.  Them are rather silly looking but watching one of Them toss the skeleton of a victim out of the anthill is still a creepy  - if not entirely terrifying - moment.  This may be my favorite giant monster movie of all time.

But if it’s my favorite why is it only number 2? You guessed it, because number 1 can only be…

1. King Kong (from the 1933, 1976, and 2005 films of the same name, as well as countless other appearances)

 

Was there ever any doubt?  RKO made it first and best, Kong holding Fay Wray may be the most iconic image in the entire history of the horror film.   But others have come along as well.  Toho – the home studio of Godzilla – did Kong several times, perhaps more outlandish and ridiculous but still loving and true to character.  Peter Jackson’s more recent version stands as one of the greatest giant monster films of the last few decades.  Kong stands on his own – likely atop the Empire State Building – or some other appropriately magnificent structure - as the American giant monster.  The iconic American monster.  Our national monster.  

So there you have them.  My picks for the Top Ten Non-Japanese Kaiju.  Feel free to let me know in the comments or on my twitter page @nerdisnewcool what giant monsters you think should have made the list and go ahead and argue for Dinos and Sharks if ya want.  I’m always up for a good fight.  But don’t think you and your bombers can beat me.  Everyone knows “it wasn’t the airplanes… it was Beauty killed the Beast.”

Until next time,  Nerd Is the New Cool, signing off

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And We’re Back New Blog Schedule and More!

And we’re back!  So it’s been a few months and I’ve been busy – and by busy I mean lazy.  But now I’m back and the blog is back up and running.  I’m planning on Bringing back my classic Nerdy Top 10s starting this Sunday and then doing a couple other new things throughout the week. 

First up is Reader Copies.  On the first and third Friday of every month, we will be delving into my extensive comic collection to review some classic and not so classic back issues that can be picked up cheaply at your local comic shop. 

Then on the second and fourth Fridays will be The Five Dollar Bin!  I will be reviewing movies that can be found cheaply on DVD in places like the $5 bin at Wal-Mart.  From the campy to the crappy, from cult classics to cinematic masterpieces… ok, probably not any cinematic masterpieces, but I do own all the Puppet Master films!

I will also still be doing the occasional This Nerds Life and of course will continue to double post my Good Reads book reviews on here. 

Finally, I will be adding on New Comic Day, every Wednesday to review the hottest new titles, but that will be coming at a later date.  And I have several other ideas in the works so hopefully we can start posting Nerd is the New Cool daily!

In the meantime, if there are any classic comics or movies you'd like to see me review let me know in the comments below.  

This is Nerd Is the New Cool, signing off until this Sunday. 

P.S. While you're waiting for my triumphant return, if ya just gotta have more nerdy content hop on over to YouTube and check out my good friend Liz Katz's channel.  She's an incredibly funny, talented, and nerdy girl.  And let's face it, she's cute as a button.  

Nerd Is The New Cool Returns June 28th!

New Top 10s, Reviews, and More Returning Friday June 28th