Strange Tales/Marvel Monsters Fan Cast

I had really wanted to get this out for last month’s Countdown to Halloween, but a couple of the characters just refused to be cast.  There is even still a couple that I’m skipping because I couldn’t come up with anyone. 

I’m focusing on 70s/Bronze Age monsters but to tie the story together I’ve brought in more recent character Elsa Bloodstone – daughter of the immortal Ulysses Bloodstone – to be our constant throughout the overarching storyline.

Laura Prepon as Elsa Bloodstone

I’m not sure if this could work as one movie even with Elsa tying all the stories together.  It might be better if it were several movies – Tomb of Dracula, Werewolf by Night, Man-Thing, etc. – with Elsa playing the Nick Fury/Agent Coleson role.  Or it could be an anthology film – call it Savage Tales or Haunt of Horror – with Elsa researching the monsters of the world in a wrap around story. 

Regardless of which path the film(s) take the central villain would of course be Dracula.

Timothy Dalton as Dracula

 

Emma Caulfield as Rachel van Helsing 

In addition to Rachel, we would need at least Quincy Harker and Frank Drake – probably Taj Nital as well.  I’m also tempted to include Hannibal King, but Blade was been a little too over done and I think I’d skip him at least for the first little bit (maybe we could bring him in early in Strange Tales phase two.  I’m also sure I want Dracula’s Duaghter Lilith and it is probably in Tomb of Dracula that we will first meet the devil’s daughter, Satana (as she originated in Marvel’s Vampire Tales magazine). 

Stana Katic as Lilith, Dracula’s Daughter

  

Allison Scagliotti as Satana Hellstrom

...and while we're on the subject of Scags: #AllisonScag4Cassie

It also might be here that Frankenstein’s Monster appears.  I’d like to see him in his own movie or segment, but I’m willing to settle for him being a supporting character here. 

Ron Perlman as Adam the Monster of Frankenstein

Next up on our slate of Marvel horrors is The Man-Thing.  My faithful readers will know my feelings on the previous “Man-Thing” movie – there wasn’t one.  But now that Marvel has the muck monster back in hand, I think we could get a good one. 

Josh Brolin as Man-Thing/Dr. Ted Sallis

Amber Benson as Jennifer Kale

Marvel’s even been kind enough to already cast Ted’s girl-friend/wife for us thanks to Ellen Brandt’s Iron Man 3 appearance. 

Stephanie Szostak as Ellen Brandt-Sallis

Ted’s supporting cast will also call for at least Richard Rory, Dakimh the Enchanter, and the demonic Thog the Nether-Spawn.   Of course, there are others I’d love to see such as F.A. Schist, Korrek the Barbarian, and Bobbi Morse (the future Mrs. Hawkeye).  It’s probably here alongside Man-Thing, that we will first get Howard the Duck as well – another of Marvel’s oddballs that has had less than stellar luck on film. 

Joe Pesci as Howard the Duck

Molly Quinn as Beverly Switzler

 

Lastly, we have Werewolf by Night. 

Christian Kane as Werewolf (By Night)/Jacob Russoff/Jack Russell 

Amy Acker as Lissa Russell Price

Janina Gavankar as Topaz

Russell has a number of enemies – mostly members of the evil Committee – such as Baron Thunder, Carruthers, and Professor Mako.  As well as having ties to minor Marvel heroes Tigra and Moon Knight who could also appear here. 

Of course, this is only the tip of the Marvel Monster iceberg.  Still MIA from our little film family are N’Kantu the Living Mummy, Simon Garth the Marvel Zombie, Gabriel the Devil-Hunter, The Straw Man, and the Darkhold Redeemers. 

Add to that any number of main stream heroes like Dr. Strange, Ghost Rider, Morbius, Hellstrom, Hellcat, and Brother Voodoo; not to mention the various monster hunters, demon lords, and giant Kirby-esque Monsters and the number of films that could make it into this series is incalculable. 

But we can hope…

Now what do you think?  Like my casting choices?  Hate them?  Wondering where the obligatory Nathan Fillon casting is?  Comment below or message me on facebook or twitter – and don’t forget to like and follow while you’re there. 

Until next time,

Nerd Is The New Cool, signing off.  

Top Ten Super-Hero Films That Should Get Made (But Never Will)

So over on the Black Nerd Comedy Channel on YouTube, Andre Meadows asked his viewers what Super-Hero they would like to see get their own movie (You can watch his video here: 

Be sure to give him a thumbs up and subscribe to his channel.  He’s a pretty funny guy.  Tell him Nerd Is the New Cool sent you). 

So in honor of Black Nerd, here is my list of 10 Super-Heroes (and Teams) that deserve their own feature length film... but aren't going to get one...

10.       Chase (DC Comics) – Chase is kinda DC comics Nick Fury – only young, hot, blonde, female, and sporting a full set of eyes.  Cameron Chase is a DEO (that’s Department of Extranormal Operations for the Newbies) Agent operating primarily in New York, though several of her adventures are in Gotham City and Metropolis (homes of Batman and Superman). Chase is the daughter of murdered Super-Hero Acro-Bat (think the Adam West incarnation of Batman if Eli Roth wrote the final two parter), a former teammate of the Martian Manhunter (then using the name Bronze Wraith).  Her title only lasted about 10 issues, not leaving a lot of source material, but giving a fairly in-depth mythology that could be mined. 

Chase Fan Casting: Jennifer Morrison as Chase, Hugo Weaving as Dr. Trap

9.         Eclipso (DC Comics) – ok, I know what you’re going to say.  Eclipso isn’t a hero, he’s a villain and thus not even eligible by my own title to be given this spot.  My heartfelt and thoroughly thought out response to this honest and constructive criticism on your part:  shut up, it’s my fraking list.  But in all seriousness, Eclipso both in his early lame villain self and as his more resent awesome godlike villainious glory, is a pretty cool villain and one of the better ones to ever headline their own title (he had both a feature in House of Secrets and a self titled book, not to mention helming a couple of miniseries).  He’s cool, he’s inexcusably evil, he’s kinda funny at times, and he’s down right demented at others.  Plus, he’s got a pretty decent supporting cast: Dr. Bruce Gordon, who had a long time Jekyll-and-Hyde connection to Eclipso; Gordon’s fiancé Mona; the Atom’s ex-wife Jean Loring, gone insane and serving as Eclipso’s host; heroes Creeper, Starman, and Lar Gand (Mon-El) all have significant dealings with him.  He could easily be featured as a villain in someone else’s movie, say Green Lantern or even Superman, but to be true to this classic character, he needs to be taken back to his roots and given the reins of his own project. 

Eclipso Fan Casting: Andy Serkis or Michael Emerson would make interesting choices for the Bruce Gordon Eclipso.  Claudia Black as the Jean Loring incarnation

8.         Valiant Heroes (Valiant Comics – some now at Dark Horse) – I’m not sure if I’m calling this a series of individual movies – of which I think X-O, Shadowman, and Rai are all especially good choices for, with Turok and Bloodshot being secondary contenders  – or an ensemble film – my first choices there would be the Malev War or the initial Spider-Alien invasion with Unity being a distant third for an initial outing.  More than anything else on this list, I can’t ever have this film/series.  Magnus, Solar, and Turok aren’t Valiant anymore, the others are drastically different in the “Summer of Valiant” universe.  Aww…but if only…

Valiant Heroes Fan Casting: Chris Hemsworth as X-O (too obvious?), George Takei or Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as Harada

7.         Werewolf by Night (Marvel Comics) – ok, Disney, listen up and listen close…non-Super-Hero comics do exist and are cool and should be mined for movie ideas.  Marvel’s titular lycanthrope is just one of several great Marvel Monster titles ripe for the big screen adaptation picking.  The story of Jack Russell – initially told in Marvel Spotlight 2-4, Werewolf by Night 1-43, and five Giant-Sized issues – if full of recognizable Marvel characters including Topez, Moon Knight, Dracula, and Tigra all of whom could be introduced and spun off into their own movies… ok maybe not Topez, but you get my meaning. 

Werewolf by Night Fan Casting: Christian Kane (though I also thought about Taylor Kitsch) as Jack/Werewolf, Amy Aker as Lissa Russell, Timothy Dalton as Dracula

6.         Astro City (currently at DC/Vertigo) – another almost impossible to make film.  A good Astro City film would be on par with Watchmen and The Avengers, but possibly with a bigger cast and more special effects.  Individual films could focus on Samaritan and/or Honor Guard, The Confessor (the “Confession” alien invasion storyline would be a great second or third film), Steeljack’s “Tarnished Angel” storyline, or any of the sundry other unique and familiar characters in the AC universe. 

Astro City Fan Casting: Neal McDonough as The Confessor, Dean Cain as Samaritan, Harry Dean Stanton as Steeljack, Eli Wallach as Mr. Bridwell

5.         X (Dark Horse Comics) – X my personal favorite Dark Horse hero is sorta a cross between Batman and Punisher.  In recent years, his (dare I say) frienemy Ghost has greatly overshadowed him as the ultimate representative of the Comics Greatest World line of comics from Dark Horse – and I would gladly accept a Ghost film as well or instead of an X one – but X remains my favorite.  Of all the ultra violent Batman clones in comics, X has the most grit and the most flair.  Of all the Punisher clones, X is the only, in my humble opinion, to outshine the original.  I would love to see a scuffle between a big screen X and the Pit Bulls – his still violent but much more “good guys” vigilante antagonists – as well as appearances by Monster (with well done Hulk-like CGI or equally good practical Thing-like prosthetics/makeup) and Ghost.  But the main thrust of the film would have to be the gangster Carmine Tango, hitman Gamble, and my favorite X-villain Gretchen the corrupt mayor’s secretary – what can I say, I like bad girls.  Also, success with this film could open up more CGW films: Vortex, Barb Wire (they did? When? Pam Anderson? I don’t recall that…and you say it was a Casablanca rip off? Doesn’t sound like Barb Wire at all…), Titan, Golden City/Catalyst, spin offs for Ghost or Pit Bulls, even a full adaptation of the original Comics Great World mini.

X Fan Casting: Karl Urban as X, Eliza Dushku as Ghost

4          Micronauts (Marvel Comics) – ok, this movie would be a logistics nightmare, mostly because Marvel doesn’t have license for the Micronauts anymore…some of the characters, but not the team or the main villain… So that’s a big strike against it.  But a big screen adaptation of these little guys would be monumentally big…err… small, I mean.  An adaptation could be made of the Image (or Devil’s Due or Kinetic Underground) title or of the franchise without using any comic company as source material, but Marvel is the classic incarnation and everyone who would flock to this is fans of the Marvel version…add in the Marvel Cinematic Universe non-comic fans and a good cast and this could be a blockbuster.  Done right it could be a holiday season family film money maker or a summer action flick, either way. 

Micronauts Fan Casting: Patrick Warburton as Rann, Adrien Brody as Bug, Colin Salmon as Acroyear

3.         Metal Men (DC Comics) – there are a number of ways that this could be played out.  As a straight action/super-hero movie, as a sci-fi movie, or as a comedy.  It’s very rare that a serious comic works as a comedy on film, but this one might be able to pull it off.  However, I think the best way to go would be as a serious Sci-fi movie.  The Metal Men lend themselves to it so well. They are after all robots, they fight Tohoesque giant monsters, and they are led by a mad scientist.  Don’t even emphasize the comic book source material in the trailers, just treat it like a sci-fi film.  You’re not listening are you Warner Bros.?  You’re going to either not do it or do what you did with Jonah Hex and make it a super-hero movie aren’t you.  I give up…

Metal Men Fan Cast: Pierce Brosnan as Doc Magnus, Charisma Carpenter as Platinum

2.         Man-Thing (Marvel Comics) – No, they haven’t!  But the reason you think they have is the reason they never will.  There was a few years ago a God awful movie called Man-Thing, a terrible horror movie with nothing to do with this comic yet somehow baring its name and the worst application of “based on” ever.  The real Man-Thing is an anti-heroic monster dripping with pathos.  With the right script, a decent FX budget, and the backing of the Marvel Cinematic Universe label, a good film adaptation could be achieved. 

Man-Thing Fan Cast: Josh Brolin as Ted Sallis, Amber Benson as Jennifer Kale, and Stephanie Szostak reprising her role as Ellen Brandt from Iron Man 3

1.         Adam Strange (DC Comics) – the ultimate comic book, sci-fi hero.  He’s been an honorary member of the Justice League and a member of the Forgotten Heroes.  In the Silver Age, he was an A-lister, then he dropped down to the C-list, but since the 52 mini-series, he has had a strong showing as a B-lister.  Kinda like a certain Metal Guy over at Marvel, you know, the one who is the central driving force in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  Kinda what DC needs to start its own Cinematic Universe, a strong B-list character who can become a box office A-lister.  DiCaprio has had this project in Development Hell since at least ’09. 

Adam Strange Fan Cast: since DC seems insistent on not casting him as Green Lantern, how about having Nathan Fillon don a red space suit instead as Adam Strange

So there you have it, my Top Ten Comic Book movies we ain’t never gonna see, but should. 

What comic books (whether Super-Hero or elsewise) would you like to see make it to the big screen?  Let me know in the comments or on twitter @NerdIsNewCool

Oh, and by the way #AllisonScag4Cassie (not on the list cause it's still gonna happen!)

Top Ten Non-Japanese Kaiju

OK, let’s start by correcting the nomenclature of the title, shall we?  It should actually say “Top Ten Non-Japanese Daikaiju.” Kaiju is the Japanese term for monster (it actually translates as “strange beast”); Daikaiju, meaning “giant Kaiju” is the word for “giant monster,” which will be the subject of this list. American vernacular usually shortens it to "Kaiju," thus the incorrect title above.  

Now, I expect some retaliatory style attacks to me and this list because properly Kaiju films are only Japanese films, and one could argue that this is merely a list of giant monster films.  And one would be right.  This is a list of giant monster films.  And Daikaiju means giant monster, so shut it. 

Also, I have intentionally left off a number of real creatures that could have made this list - notably Dinosaurs and sharks.  Thus, the dinos from Jurassic Park and Bruce from Jaws (who is only arguably “giant”) are unfortunately absent from the list, as is the only literary character I considered the megalodon from the Meg series of novels. 

10. Konga and Gorgo (from the 1961 British films of the same names)

 

Konga and Gorgo are, respectively, knockoffs of King Kong and Godzilla.  They appear in two unrelated films and they were hard to put on this list, but impossible to leave off.  I don’t even know how to begin talking about these films.  They are blatant rip-offs, but also, kinda not.  Both are pretty stupid films and I don’t particularly like either one.  But they typify the King Kong and Godzilla knockoff genre.  There have been literally tens of Kong and Godzilla rip-offs – maybe more – but somehow these stand out as the definitive ones.  Also, Alfred from the Michael Keaton Batman is in Konga, so it’s got that. 

 9.  The Blob (from the 1958 film, its 1972 sequel Beware! The Blob!, a 1988 remake, and a pretty catchy song). 

The Blob is another one that barely made this list.  On the one hand it’s a giant monster movie, but on the other it isn’t.  As a film – a horror film, a sci-fi film, a cult film, a 50s film, a teen film – it would have ranked higher than most of the others on this list.  But as a giant monster, I just couldn’t let it beat out the others.  The blob isn’t a giant insect, or monkey, or lizard, or worm.  It’s a, well a blob.  It is attack of the killer jell-o – and grape jell-o at that.  But it’s still an awesome monster.  Be it the 1958 Steve McQueen star making original, the campy Larry Hagman directed sequel, or the almost-as-good-as-the-original-(how-often-does-that-happen?)-remake staring Shawnee Smith (later of Saw fame), the blob is at once hilariously stupid and oddly terrifying – way to ruin theaters for me, movie!

Also, what monster has a cooler theme song?  Freddy, Jason, Michael, Jaws, ya’ll could take lessons from Jell-o-Boy… “he creeps, he leaps, he slides, he glides…”

8. The Graboids (from the Tremors franchise – 1990, 1996, 2001, 2003-2003, 2004)

OK, I may just not be able to go to my parents’ house every again.  My dad sees that Tremors was only #8 and he’ll disown me.  Lizard, if you’re reading this, congratulations, you get to inherit everything now.  Don’t get me wrong, the Tremors movies are hilariously stupid.  When I first saw the original, I didn’t like it, but it (and they) grew on me.  But I don’t love them.  I really, really like them and we can still be friends, but I just don’t love them. 

But as camp, as the backhanded love letter they are to the Atomic Age science fiction/horror movies they mock and belittle and idolize, they are awesome. Not Slither awesome, but awesome.  

7. The Spider (from the 1958 film Earth vs. the Spider)

Maybe my favorite AIP film of all time, The Spider is the quid essential 1950s teenage rock and roll sci-fi/horror movie.  The effects are cheese, the plot is fast and loose, the music is corny and does nothing to advance the plot.  It’s the perfect popcorn and root beer on a Saturday afternoon film from a studio that specialized in popcorn/Saturday afternoon films.

Side note: I also considered Universal's earlier film, Tarantula, but I just like this one so much better and I couldn't justify to myself putting two giant spider's on the list.  And besides Universal did so much better with...

6. The Deadly Mantis (from the 1957 film of the same name)

I love this film.  It came from Universal about a decade after Universal stopped being THE name in horror - and, except for the Black Lagoon films, was their best in the 50s.  A ridiculous premise about a ginormous prehistoric insect frozen in the Arctic that returns to eat people.  That really was all you needed in the 50s to make a movie. Go figure.  

5. The Killer Tomatoes (from the Killer Tomato franchisee – 1978, 1988, 1990, 1990-1991, 1991)

Ok, I admit it, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes may in fact be the dumbest movie ever made.  I have no defense for the movie, the franchisee – which only gets worse as it goes –, the cartoon – which I watched religiously as a child –, or myself for including it on the list.  It’s funny.  It’s stupid – intentionally so.  It’s ridiculous.  It’s cheesy.  But so is Adam West’s Batman.  So is Tremors.  The Killer Tomatoes are the most unrealistic monsters on this list - maybe the most unrealistic monsters ever.  They aren’t scary.  They aren’t poignant.  They aren’t clever or really even that original.  They just are.  And somehow they are awesome and great.  

4. The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (from the 1953 film of the same name)

Based on a Ray Bradbury short story (which he quickly renamed “The Fog Horn” to distance from this loose adaptation), The Beast would later be the basis for the Japanese film Gojira, the Godfather of all Kaiju films.  The Beast has the exact same story as The Deadly Mantis except it’s about a giant lizard instead of a giant insect.  And I know what you’re going to say.  It’s a dinosaur movie – and you’re right, but at the same time, you are most definitely right.  But it is a fictional, made up species of dinosaur and this is my list, so shut up.  And if you think this was breaking any rules then wait 'til you get to…

3. The plethora of “Marvel Monsters” (from the Atomic Age Marvel Comics)

I can hear you know: “Nerd! The Marvel Monsters comics aren’t even movies, they’re comics!” To which I reply “duh.” At what point about or below, did I say this was a list of movie monsters?  So, the Marvel Monsters.  Fin Fang Foom.  Gigantis. Gorgilla. It, the Living Colossus.  And so many more populating the pages of Strange Tales, Tales to Astonish, Tales of Suspense, Journey into Mystery, and more.  I love them all.  Many – but not all – were the creations of Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and Steve Ditko – those guys who created many of the Marvel Super-Heroes a couple years later.  It’s hard to think of a comic industry without super-heroes but the Marvel Monsters ruled in the decade before the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, Avengers, and X-Men hit the scene.  

2.  The Giant Ants (from the 1954 film Them!)

 Them may be the first big bugs in film history.  If they aren’t, they are still definitely the greatest.  The special effects aren’t very good in the post-Lord of the Rings era er...post-Jurassic Park era I mean, post-Star Wars era and the sound effects were never any good.  But Them! is still a compelling and scary movie.  Admirably, it’s more fun than frightening but it still holds its own if you let yourself get sucked into it.  Them are rather silly looking but watching one of Them toss the skeleton of a victim out of the anthill is still a creepy  - if not entirely terrifying - moment.  This may be my favorite giant monster movie of all time.

But if it’s my favorite why is it only number 2? You guessed it, because number 1 can only be…

1. King Kong (from the 1933, 1976, and 2005 films of the same name, as well as countless other appearances)

 

Was there ever any doubt?  RKO made it first and best, Kong holding Fay Wray may be the most iconic image in the entire history of the horror film.   But others have come along as well.  Toho – the home studio of Godzilla – did Kong several times, perhaps more outlandish and ridiculous but still loving and true to character.  Peter Jackson’s more recent version stands as one of the greatest giant monster films of the last few decades.  Kong stands on his own – likely atop the Empire State Building – or some other appropriately magnificent structure - as the American giant monster.  The iconic American monster.  Our national monster.  

So there you have them.  My picks for the Top Ten Non-Japanese Kaiju.  Feel free to let me know in the comments or on my twitter page @nerdisnewcool what giant monsters you think should have made the list and go ahead and argue for Dinos and Sharks if ya want.  I’m always up for a good fight.  But don’t think you and your bombers can beat me.  Everyone knows “it wasn’t the airplanes… it was Beauty killed the Beast.”

Until next time,  Nerd Is the New Cool, signing off

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